you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
Randomize
