What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
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