Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
Randomize
