just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
