i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
this hospital has no fireball
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
Randomize
