lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize