wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
Randomize
