just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
