Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Randomize
