xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
I can't put those talents on a resume
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Randomize
