Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
it's not cheating when I paid for it
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
