hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
Randomize
