Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
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