We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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