super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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