She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
Randomize
