i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
Randomize
