Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
