is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
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