My first STD was from a foam party
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
