Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Randomize
