I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
Randomize
