just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
Randomize
