I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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