Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
