Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
wow bdsm is so cute
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
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