thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
Randomize
