I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Randomize
