I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
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