We're facebook friends in real life
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
Randomize
