I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
Randomize
