she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Randomize
