I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
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