i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize
