i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
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