You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
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