If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
Randomize
