Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
