So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
Randomize
