so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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