i'm watching degrassi (go figure) and the episode is about jimmy not being able to get a boner and now he's famous and rapping about popping pussies..i dont get it.
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
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