btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
She looked like Sean Connery with cleft lip. So to answer your question, yes I put it in her butt.
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
Randomize
