Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
