I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
Randomize
