Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
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