I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
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