No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
Randomize
