it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Randomize
