he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
Randomize
