Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
Randomize
