In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
Someone shattered a urinal.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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