im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
