Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Randomize
