She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
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