took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
they're like a gay fantastic four
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Randomize
