I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
Randomize
